Quote from previous post on how my children have benefited from Child Support - Read the full thread for contextKansas Child Support Guidelines / Re: current guidelines teach children to favor one parent
« on: March 12, 2012, 04:19:28 PM »
"This issue is very complex as are most family law issues. So, all I can share is how Child Support has benefited my two (2) children?
The children of elementary school age were parties to the termination of an abusive marriage for which the repeatedly stated objective was to eliminate mom and hire a nanny to take her place.
There were prescription drug abuse and addiction issues on the part of the abuser which were given no consideration by the Court or the Custody evaluator because the drugs were obtained by at least one (many) Dr.'s prescription and purchased legally.
Both parents are college educated and each have earned benefits & salaries above $100,000.00 per year. (Dad now at $250,000 yr to My $16,000)
Child Support payments withdrawn directly from payroll and significant financial sacrifices allowed the mother to keep the marital residence without cohabitation or remarriage.
BENEFIT #1 = The children were able to remain in the same home, school and neighborhood and remain there today, five years after separation. Stability. Were it not for the option, the mother would be only able to earn a wage allowing for a one bedroom apartment for her & the children and it is likely they would have become latch key kids on her parenting days.
Due to the death of their first child, the parents made a choice when attempting to conceive the children that one parent would stay home to raise them. Although Mom was earning more money than dad at the time of their second child's birth, Mom gave up a 10 year career to stay home because Dad's long term earning potential was higher and her job required travel out of town which Dad refused to help with infant child care while she was gone. Dad was also beginning to travel internationally for 3 weeks at a time to third world countries.
In the two years prior to separation Dad did not like the financial responsibility of being the sole provider for the family and instead of encouraging mom to find employment he began abusive behaviors in front of the children which excluded her from normal parenting declaring that the now school aged children did not need a mom because he could do it all and better than she did. What he would not do he would hire a full time live in nanny to do.
Benefit #2 = The children have two parents who can both contribute to the process of their coming independence without either one being forced out completely.
Benefit #3 = The children are not penalized or put into potentially dangerous circumstances because the mother who had not worked for eight (
years is forced to sacrifice what used to be their time and now must first be given to survival and an employer paying a much lower wage and less flexibility in work hours than she earned when she left the workforce. Child Support allows for options.
Benefit #4 = The children's after school care and summer supervision has been given by the parents or grandparents.
Benefit #5 = The children have had the opportunity to participate in activities that Dad was not willing to support or pay for after the divorce like weekly music lessons, Scouts, Summer Camps, Swim Team, Gifted Education opportunities and Math tutoring which have been paid for directly through Child Support payments. In other words.... the same opportunities they would have had if the family had remained in tact with Dad as sole financial provider. They have also been able to do all the things that Dad wants to do with his earnings. Travel, Cruises, expensive electronic gadgets, Golf...etc.
I recognize that my children are financially blessed. The Child Support I receive also pays for their school registration & fees which are about $500 each per year. The lunch fees of $150 per month. Clothing I buy them from Target, JCP or the Goodwill stores. The Child Support allows me to help them and encourage them to do things they would like to do that Dad is not willing to support because they do not benefit him and can be expensive.
Benefit #6 = The children also benefit emotionally from the decreased disparity in incomes between the two divorcing parents because without it they see the disparity in spending and feel guilty about needing & wanting things that one parent can no longer provide.
I have just tapped the surface here. But, I think the person paying support can choose either to resent the situation or look at it as a debt to be paid like any other financial commitment made. The creditor here is your children. The parent receiving support is simply the children's banker.
This is a process and it takes time to make decisions, sacrifices and adjustments in lifestyle. My hope is to minimize the sacrifices my children need to make because of my mistakes. My values, hopes and dreams have not changed just because the man I chose to marry decided he no longer wanted me as his life partner. However, my sacrificial choices and current responsibilities to the children we worked to give birth to have changed my options."