Author Topic: Paying too much? Please help!  (Read 13205 times)

maverick8550

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Paying too much? Please help!
« on: June 19, 2013, 07:55:00 AM »
I hope I get some help with this.  I am a father of a 5 year old son, and I am very active in his life.  His mother and I split a couple of years ago and have stayed very active in his life and tried hard to stay out of the courts.  We don't agree with everything the court system wants to do so that is why we have done this for the past 4 years.  Here is our situation:

We split time with our son, 50/50.  Out of two weeks he is with me 7 days and vice versa. 

We want it that way so we can parent equal parts even though her and I never could make our lives stable enough for him.  His mother and I have an exceptional relationship and communicate at least 2-3 times a week.  We follow the guidelines that Kansas sets up for us but we study and decide how we want to do things based off of those rules. 

When it comes to child support though I have a problem with it.  I have paid for 4 years now with out complaining, balking, etc etc.  According to Kansas, if I read everything correctly because we split our son 50/50, and I make more than her, every dollar that I make more than her I have to split into two and pay her half.  I get it, the state wants the parents to be equal. 

Here is my problem.  Why do I have to buy everything twice even though we split our son 50/50?  She has a masters degree and chooses to work at a place that doesn't pay her what she should be paid but she makes a good living.  She can support our son, pay her bills, etc etc. without my extra money coming in.  So with that said, if I buy clothes at my house, why am I giving her money to pay for clothes for him over there.   

Shouldn't it be that each parent covers the expenses for the child 50/50, i.e. school, sports, etc., but when it comes to child support for our situation it almost doesn't make any sense.  Now, the law is the law....I pay for whatever I have to pay.  Never have slacked on that.  Just frustrated. Please Help.

Guru

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2013, 06:11:04 PM »
Good questions.  The statistical/mathematical model that the child support committee has chosen to use is that of income shares.  It is assumed that the family is fully intact and that if Dad makes more, he pays for more.  To attempt to correct for the situation where parents are separated, the guidelines include the "dissolution burden," which reduces child support ever so slightly.  But it wasn't really designed for full 50/50 shared custody.

The amounts you are paying (you can find more on this site by searching around) are 1) an amount to correct for the fact that you make more, then 2) you pay her for direct expenses.  Technically, she should be providing everything if you're paying for them.  So if you're paying out of pocket, you should probably be saving your receipts or just quit paying for it.  You pay her to take care of it.

In KS, mothers are not faulted for failing to gain employment commensurate with their level of education.  There also is no issue with a mother quitting work, marrying someone to pay her bills, and still getting a sizable child support check.  This is just a problem with the guidelines.

rcjsmom

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2013, 10:16:43 PM »
Have you discussed it with Mom, if you have a good relationship?  I reimbursed my ex husband part of his child support when I thought he was 'going through a rough patch'.  Then I found out he was making $25,000 a year more than me and just using my kindness and cooperation to take advantage of me.  I took my lunch to work while he at out every meal.  I had antenna TV, while he had deluxe cable.  Turned the air off in the summer and spent the evenings in the basement, The list of what I did to 'help'....the sacrifices that I made to give him back some of his support to "help" was really a joke on me.  So make sure your intentions are genuine.

Maybe Mom can help explain where the money goes.  My kids' dad never one time did their laundry, took them to the doctor, stayed home with a sick kid (and only one time got called away from work for one --- because I was in a training class and could not get out --- thought I shot his tires out for the inconvenience), bought school supplies or clothes, paid for his sports fees, etc.  I did all of the heavy financial and 'work' lifting most of the time, but was still trying to be amicable. 

There is nothing that says Mom has to keep the money. 

My  post-marriage 'relationship' son, never lived with his dad, though we dated 7 years, would not pay a dime for his son... again making well more money than me.  When i took him to court after 4 years of age to get financial assistance for the first time, not one dime of medical, clothes, food, etc ever shared, dad quit his job to get out of support.  But he thought he should get to be primary custody since I 'had to work'. 

What I know as a child of divorce is the guilt a child feels that they cost their parents so much money, especially when one parent is doing better than another, willing to give his girlfriend money but the electricity has been turned off at "moms - since we don't want our kids to call their lifelong house 'home' -  because ends don't meet.  Work it out outside of the child's knowledge as much as it depends on you. 

Not all of us out there are trying to 'stiff' dad.  In my case, 2 dads did their best to play me, and my generosity.  When the situation was reversed and I genuinely needed help with one son's surgery bills, you would have thought I had broken into dad's bank account.  His first and only medical bills in 16 years were for a dislocated shoulder --- my fault of course, for letting the kid play soccer, so I should have paid the bills there too.

Talk to Mom.  Nothing says she has to keep the money even if the court takes it.  Might be easiest fix, or you gain appreciation for where the money goes.  Wish my dads were as diligent as you sound.

BTW, I have a masters' degree.  Not every masters gets you a high paying salary.

Guru

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2013, 11:02:08 PM »
I suppose if you have an exceptional relationship with mom, asking for a refund might work, but I guess I have my doubts.  But please keep in mind that if you think your child support has been calculated correctly per the child support guidelines and the finances still aren't balanced, there's something you can do about it.  You need to contact Mark Gleeson with the kansas child support committee and send him a lengthy letter citing your case information and why it doesn't work well for you.

Maybe after you write the letter and consider all the information, you'll see that the finances really are balanced.  Or, you may find that you are purchasing certain items twice.  The committee likes to know about certain details like this.  And of course if you do send a letter, we'd kindly appreciate you sharing it or at least part of it with us so we can help.

Cory Ray

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2013, 02:56:08 AM »
Hi maverick8550,

The very first thing that I want you to know is that there is not one law in any state that says that any parent has to pay child support. Now you may not believe me and that is ok. I would prefer that you verify anything that anyone tells you. Do not believe anything until you verify it for yourself. I am going to tell you why there is no law that says that a parent has to pay child support. They cannot by law, mandate by statute that you pay child support. To do so would be a violation of your Constitutionally protected rights. The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled many many times that being a parent is a fundamental right and that the state may not into into the private realm of the family where a fit parent is found. I suspect that you have never been found to be unfit have you?

I went through this several years ago and I started doing my own legal research. I was taking care of my children just like you and had them for more than half the time just like you but they were still raping me. I had my order vacated for fraud and almost every order given by a judge for child support is fraud and I can prove it. I took all of my research and put it all together in a book that I have just recently released. I give you all of the law that you need, I give you a list of everything that you will need in court and I tell you exactly what books you need to reference to verify the information.

I also give you examples of legal arguments to help show you how to build them and make them stand. Since I was in the exact same position as every other parent in the system, I decided to sell the book for just $10 because I know how financially hard it is when you are under their thumb. So for the cost of eating out for lunch, you will get the real truth. I also point out the fraud in the system itself. It all stems from the Title IV welfare program and it is extremely profitable for every state.

If you have a Kindle and would like the eBook in that format, you can buy the book at Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DH2B6II

If you would like to read it on your cell phone, laptop, pc or mac you can purchase the book in PDF and ePub format at my website here:
http://theamericansovereign.com

If you get the book and you need some extra help in understanding anything, I am available. I will email you after your purchase as well. Stop being a slave to the state and take back control of your life. You deserve to be happy and so does your son. It's never going to happen until you claim your fundamental right to be his parent.

I look forward to hearing from you and good luck to you.

**Notice** Since I am fully aware that this site is funded by the Kansas child support department, I am putting everyone on notice that I make a full reservation of my rights under U.C.C. 1-308. Any trespassers of my rights will be held accountable in a court of law.

mykidzmom

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2013, 08:29:03 AM »
Using the example of buying clothes twice isn't really a good one, because you aren't technically buying his clothes at his mom's house. And you should stop seeing it that way. If she truly doesn't need the money, why don't you both agree to start a savings account for him for future expenses that might come up? Or when he decides to participate in some super expensive sport or activity...

KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2013, 06:58:05 PM »

In KS, mothers are not faulted for failing to gain employment commensurate with their level of education.  There also is no issue with a mother quitting work, marrying someone to pay her bills, and still getting a sizable child support check.  This is just a problem with the guidelines.

GURU - Once again you reveal your personal bias against Mothers with traditional parenting roles and misrepresent the guidelines.

1. Both parents have the option to remarry and have their new spouse contribute to the running of the new household either through employment outside or inside the home without "penalty" under the current guidelines. Household income is not a determining factor for Child Support. ONLY the two parents from the marriage/relationship the child originated from are responsible for supporting that child under the law. The only way out of responsibility for the child is to surrender legal rights to time with the child and sever the relationship. Most divorcing couples want what is best for the child which is a continuing relationship with the child(ren).

We have discussed the above issue in other threads on more than one occasion.

2. The guidelines allow for past employment to be considered at a Child Support hearing ad also allow for imputed wages to be determined for a parent that is not employed outside the home. i.e. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years prior to my divorce and was assessed imputed wages at full time employment at minimum wage although I had not worked since our oldest child was born. I still have not been able to secure employment commensurate with my previous experience and education and am now at 14 years without "professional" wages and benefits.


Your bias is offensive to me and every families circumstances need to be evaluated based upon the circumstances for that family instead of making broad statements.


KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2013, 01:12:23 PM »
Here is a copy of my post in the previous thread - read the thread for the full perspective:


Re: Imputed Income
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2012, 09:18:27 PM »

    Quote

Every family situation is different which is why the Courts need flexibility within guidelines and must make such difficult decisions.

It is understandable that no one would want to have to pay Child Support. But, keep the focus on the child and what their life will look like and you may find it is worth the sacrifice.

It is the child that suffers when both parents must abandon them to work Full time at one or more jobs just to survive.
It is the child that is left vulnerable to predators and potentially harmful peer influence when either one or more parent is unable to focus on their needs.
It is the child that suffers when the cost of appropriate child care exceeds a parents ability to earn or takes such a high percentage of the wage it costs more to work than to stay home.
It is the girl or boy without appropriate supervision that ends up with a teenage pregnancy or other legal problems.
It is the child that is left to raise themselves and/or their siblings because the parent is absent from the home.
It is the child who struggles in school to get by when an adult is unable to help guide them with homework.
It is the child who suffers when they can not participate in extra curricular or after school activities because a parent is not able to provide transportation to special sports practices or events because they have to be at work.
It is the child that suffers when their socioeconomic class and surroundings drop or are markedly different between two homes.

You may view recipients of Child Support as freeloaders. But, I can tell you firsthand that receiving Child Support has allowed my children to maintain their same friends, social relationships, same school, same house, same activities and same parental availability for their needs as before the divorce. This has given them a fighting chance to be every bit of who they would have been before their dad & I shattered their world and deprived them of any sense of security.

So take some time and ask yourself, What future do you want for your child/ren? How do the choices you make effect the choices they will be able to make? What did their life look like before and how can you help ease the disruption and provide them with a sense of security by minimizing the changes caused by your divorce?

KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2013, 10:13:37 AM »
Re- Post of comment on previous related thread.

General Discussions / Kansas Legal Statutes RE: Stipulated Income for Child Support
« on: November 02, 2012, 12:17:34 PM »
K.S.A. (Kansas Statutes, Law)
Chapter 38 Minors
Article 22 Revised Kansas Code for Care of Children

Statute 38-2277: Determination of child support.
(a) In determining the amount of a child support order under the code, the court shall apply the Kansas child support guidelines adopted pursuant to K.S.A. 20-165, and amendments thereto.
      (b)   If the appropriate amount of support under the Kansas child support guidelines cannot be determined because any necessary fact is not proven by evidence or by stipulation of the appropriate parent, the court shall apply one or more of the following presumptions:

      (1)   Both parents have only gross earned income equal to 40 hours per week at the federal minimum wage then in effect;

      (2)   neither parent's income is subject to adjustment for any reason;

      (3)   the number of children is as alleged in the petition;

      (4)   the age of each child is as alleged in the petition or, if unknown, is between seven and 15 years;

      (5)   no adjustment for child care, health or dental insurance or income tax exemption is appropriate; or

      (6)   neither parent is entitled to any other credit or adjustment.

      (c)   If the county or district attorney determines that:
(1) A parent will contest the amount of support resulting from application of the guidelines;
(2) the parent is or may be entitled to an adjustment pursuant to the guidelines; and
(3) it is in the child's best interests to resolve the support issue promptly and with minimal hostility, the county or district attorney may enter into a stipulation with the parent as to the amount of child support for that parent. The amount of support may be based upon one or more of the presumptions in subsection

(b). Except for good cause or as otherwise provided in K.S.A. 2009 Supp. 38-2279, and amendments thereto, a stipulation under this subsection shall be binding upon the court and all parties or interested parties. The criteria for application of this subsection shall be incorporated into the journal entry or judgment form.
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KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2013, 04:29:07 PM »
Quote from related previous post on the benefits of Child Support - Read the old thread for context and further comments

Kansas Child Support Guidelines / Re: current guidelines teach children to favor one parent
« on: March 12, 2012, 06:26:32 PM »

"It is in the best interest of the children for someone to be given legal responsibility to provide necessities. It is my observation that in the past each Court has had different interpretations as to what those obligations were. This may be why the 2012 rules are more specific.

I can not speak to what it would be like to be paying an amount in Child Support that would prevent someone from having enough money to buy things for their child. There is nothing to prevent you from buying whatever you would like for your child. The costs that are mandatory are things that would normally be invisible to the child as to who pays unless a parent has told them. School fees, bus fees, school lunches, healthcare costs.

I made the decision early in the process to give the children full ownership of everything that was for them. This prevented property disputes over toys, musical instruments, air hockey, ping pong, etc. So, whatever they get can go back & forth as they desire. Dad is a bit more restrictive because he does not want me to resale for money things they have grown out of or no longer use. I have resold and traded for used clothing in bigger sizes ever since the children were born.

As a support recipient, I have been required to provide clothing for Dad's home based upon a list he would request from me. I simply told the children I received money from dad to buy the clothing they would need while at his home. that is how things worked when we were married anyway. He never bought them clothing. he got tired of giving me a list of what he needed and did not like that I bought things at Goodwill stores. So, that changed when my daughter entered middle school. Now he takes her shopping whenever he wants, she gets designer clothing and expensive shoes. My son get stuff from Target and is happy. So, with the new guidelines I will take a 2% decrease in support at the next modification. That will amount to about $500 - $1,000 per year less in support. But, she will get nicer clothes than I can afford to buy her because he is spending 4x that much in designer clothing. I will keep shopping at Goodwill, Target & JCP.

Don't be disheartened. No Court will ever tell you not to be generous in providing for your child/ren."

KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2013, 04:40:16 PM »
Quote from previous post on how my children have benefited from Child Support - Read the full thread for context

Kansas Child Support Guidelines / Re: current guidelines teach children to favor one parent
« on: March 12, 2012, 04:19:28 PM »

"This issue is very complex as are most family law issues. So, all I can share is how Child Support has benefited my two (2) children?

The children of elementary school age were parties to the termination of an abusive marriage for which the repeatedly stated objective was to eliminate mom and hire a nanny to take her place.

There were prescription drug abuse and addiction issues on the part of the abuser which were given no consideration by the Court or the Custody evaluator because the drugs were obtained by at least one (many) Dr.'s prescription and purchased legally.

Both parents are college educated and each have earned benefits & salaries above $100,000.00 per year. (Dad now at $250,000 yr to My $16,000)

Child Support payments withdrawn directly from payroll and significant financial sacrifices allowed the mother to keep the marital residence without cohabitation or remarriage. BENEFIT #1 = The children were able to remain in the same home, school and neighborhood and remain there today, five years after separation. Stability. Were it not for the option, the mother would be only able to earn a wage allowing for a one bedroom apartment for her & the children and it is likely they would have become latch key kids on her parenting days.

Due to the death of their first child, the parents made a choice when attempting to conceive the children that one parent would stay home to raise them. Although Mom was earning more money than dad at the time of their second child's birth, Mom gave up a 10 year career to stay home because Dad's long term earning potential was higher and her job required travel out of town which Dad refused to help with infant child care while she was gone. Dad was also beginning to travel internationally for 3 weeks at a time to third world countries.

In the two years prior to separation Dad did not like the financial responsibility of being the sole provider for the family and instead of encouraging mom to find employment he began abusive behaviors in front of the children which excluded her from normal parenting declaring that the now school aged children did not need a mom because he could do it all and better than she did. What he would not do he would hire a full time live in nanny to do. Benefit #2 = The children have two parents who can both contribute to the process of their coming independence without either one being forced out completely.

Benefit #3 = The children are not penalized or put into potentially dangerous circumstances because the mother who had not worked for eight (8) years is forced to sacrifice what used to be their time and now must first be given to survival and an employer paying a much lower wage and less flexibility in work hours than she earned when she left the workforce. Child Support allows for options.

Benefit #4 = The children's after school care and summer supervision has been given by the parents or grandparents.

Benefit #5 = The children have had the opportunity to participate in activities that Dad was not willing to support or pay for after the divorce like weekly music lessons, Scouts, Summer Camps, Swim Team, Gifted Education opportunities and Math tutoring which have been paid for directly through Child Support payments. In other words.... the same opportunities they would have had if the family had remained in tact with Dad as sole financial provider. They have also been able to do all the things that Dad wants to do with his earnings. Travel, Cruises, expensive electronic gadgets, Golf...etc.

I recognize that my children are financially blessed. The Child Support I receive also pays for their school registration & fees which are about $500 each per year. The lunch fees of $150 per month. Clothing I buy them from Target, JCP or the Goodwill stores. The Child Support allows me to help them and encourage them to do things they would like to do that Dad is not willing to support because they do not benefit him and can be expensive.

Benefit #6 = The children also benefit emotionally from the decreased disparity in incomes between the two divorcing parents because without it they see the disparity in spending and feel guilty about needing & wanting things that one parent can no longer provide.

I have just tapped the surface here. But, I think the person paying support can choose either to resent the situation or look at it as a debt to be paid like any other financial commitment made. The creditor here is your children. The parent receiving support is simply the children's banker.

This is a process and it takes time to make decisions, sacrifices and adjustments in lifestyle. My hope is to minimize the sacrifices my children need to make because of my mistakes. My values, hopes and dreams  have not changed just because the man I chose to marry decided he no longer wanted me as his life partner. However, my sacrificial choices and current responsibilities to the children we worked to give birth to have changed my options."

LordHelp

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2013, 01:29:10 PM »

In KS, mothers are not faulted for failing to gain employment commensurate with their level of education.  There also is no issue with a mother quitting work, marrying someone to pay her bills, and still getting a sizable child support check.  This is just a problem with the guidelines.

GURU - Once again you reveal your personal bias against Mothers with traditional parenting roles and misrepresent the guidelines.

1. Both parents have the option to remarry and have their new spouse contribute to the running of the new household either through employment outside or inside the home without "penalty" under the current guidelines. Household income is not a determining factor for Child Support. ONLY the two parents from the marriage/relationship the child originated from are responsible for supporting that child under the law. The only way out of responsibility for the child is to surrender legal rights to time with the child and sever the relationship. Most divorcing couples want what is best for the child which is a continuing relationship with the child(ren).

KTM,

I have question(s) regarding your posting (quoted above, reference bullet point #1).

First let me state that I love my "step" children and want them to have the things they have the "right" to receive and then some.

Scenario: My husband is currently paying child support, as agreed upon in court, for his two children to his ex-wife who has now remarried. Her current husband is unemployed and has been for more than 2 years (to his defense he does "help" in caring for the household and the children). She is asking for additional money above what was agreed upon such as money for school lunches and clothing. I am in no way clairvoyant but it seems the amount she receives for support PLUS the amount she is responsible for is more than enough to take care two children who are only involved extracurricular activities that require annual fees totaling less than $100 (which of course we pay half). They are not high maintenance children (i.e., wanting designer clothes/shoes, going out with friends, etc.).

They have joint custody of the children but it is not 50/50. The two of them agreed, in court, to have him pay a lesser amount than what was calculated per the Kansas guidelines but it was still a "nice" amount.

Question: In your posting you stated each parent has the "option" to remarry and to have that new spouse contribute to the household whether working in or outside of the household. Is this to say that the household receiving child support income can have as many individuals living there as desired by the custodial parent without any contribution from the additional resident(s)? If that is true, then the payor is not only providing for their own children but now their ex-spouse's NEW spouse?

OR, would the household expenses be split equally among all residents (factoring out any individualized expenses such as medical, special care needs) with the financial burden of the additional resident(s) falling upon the custodial parent AFTER they have taken care of their portion of the child support that was agreed upon in court?

I ask these questions because I, of course, suspect the amount being paid is not being used solely for supporting the children's needs/wants.

In your response, could you please reference any documents that would support your answer? Thank you!

Sincerely,

Concerned Wife

KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2013, 11:02:01 AM »
mrsnisey -

Family financial circumstances change. So, when family circumstances change a families allocation of income to expenditures will also change.

Child support in the state of Kansas is based upon the two legal parents incomes and not household income. Kansas does not consider any members of a household other than the number of children the payor & recipient are legally responsible for.

Once an amount of support has been Ordered to be paid there are only a few legal obligations as to how the money is spent by the recipient. Food, Clothing, Shelter & Education are the only factors I understand the recipient to be responsible for under the law. It does not matter who else benefits from the leftovers on the table or the roof over their head so to speak.

The Kansas Child Support Guidelines and Worksheets are available online for you to review.

LordHelp

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2013, 08:47:30 AM »
KTM,

Let me make sure I understand. As long as a recipient of child support is taking care of the "basic" needs of the children required by law, "Food, Clothing, Shelter & Education", whatever money is remaining can be used towards "anything" they want even if it is NOT for the children? Basically, the recipient has no accountability to the courts as to how the child support money is being used (outside of what the children should receive as required by law) yet alone whether the FULL amount is being used for the children?

Wow! I do not see how a person can sleep at night knowing they are using the money they're receiving from their ex-spouse for the purpose of taking care of the children, which, by the way, are not being fully met, and use it for their own gain AND/OR for the benefit of a NEW spouse. What a slap in the face. No wonder there are so many angry fathers out there! I'm really going to have to pray and come to terms with this so I can let it go and not stress myself to the point of illness. My husband and I just need to focus on the children and make sure they have everything they need, and when the opportunity arises and the resources are there, what they want.

Thank you for your reply, KTM. Although, I thought the monies received was also to make sure the children continue to live the same lifestyle they were accustomed to BEFORE the divorce. I guess something like that would be hard to prove in court.

Anyway, thanks again.



KTM

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Re: Paying too much? Please help!
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2013, 10:59:25 AM »
LordHelp,

Yes, this is a very complicated issue for all parties. That is one of the reasons why it a very long and difficult process for the committee of people who make the recommendations about Child Support guidelines to the Courts.

After Divorce one party has no ability to control or dictate to the other how decisions are made. Money is a common way people attempt to control and manipulate situations and people. Providing for the children while removing the control of how the money is spent allows for autonomy. Child Support can prop up a families living standards which does benefit the children and can allow for the children to remain in the same school, neighborhood, activities, etc. But, that is not a general legal requirement.

It is my understanding that Child Support is intended o do exactly what you have stated and keep the children from falling into need from the public dole of federal or state provided benefits. Thus saving the general taxpayor from an increased burden and instead placing that burden upon the legal parents.

I suggest that there are so many angry "dad's" (Child Support Payors) because they do not want to give up control. If you look at Child Support without the emotion or need to control it can be seen as a simple transaction much like your monthly mortgage. There is a benefit to your child (whether you agree with the choices or not) , it can be modified and has a termination date.

Maybe, just maybe, the existence of Court Ordered Child Support and predominance of Fathers as payers has been a determining factor in the large increase in the number of Fathers today who are actively involved in their children's lives after Divorce rather than the old standard of walking away to start a new family leaving the mom & kids behind. Dad's (or any Support Payors) pay less if they take on more responsibility, more parenting time and keep parenting responsibility for their children rather than leaving them behind for a new family. The kids definitely benefit from both parents being involved. However, the other side of that coin is an increase in the number of Fathers wanting sole custody and/or more parenting time so that they have full control and less Child Support to pay which an leave a former wife with a traditional role (not a financial provider) struggling to start from scratch.