First, hello.  I found this site looking for something else, and have been interested in some of the topics.  Thought I would throw out my question that I was searching to answer. 

Background;  I have 3 children.  2 from my first marriage (now 23 and 20) and one from a long term relationship years after I divorced.  I have always been timid and shy, not confrontational.  The 'how's' I got here are somewhat irrelevant, but my son's father always refused financial support.  I let him go to all the dr. appointments when I was pregnant, but I always paid 100% of the bill (yes, while supporting my two other children, working a full time job, making less money than the up-till-now childless man.)  He was there for the delivery, making the whole birthing and hospital stay an absolute nightmare as he told me how worthless I was to have this child, and basically should give him to him since I had 2 other kids and he had none.  The night after I gave birth, now awake for nearly36 hours, he spent from 10:30 pm till 1 am when they brought the baby back in telling me how worthless I was and a whole host of other 'compliments' for daring to think the child would have my last name.  Not new tactics, but now there was a child to protect, and I became more 'defiant' to him.  When the child had surgery at 6 weeks, dad was there...and I paid the bill.  When I asked for financial assistance, he said if I needed money, I should end my maternity leave and go back to work.  When I did go back to work, he would pay 50% or less of daycare expenses.  I provided everything else.  Dad made about $20K a year more than me, and had no other kids to support.  I had not increased my ex-husband's child support in the 8 years we had been divorced, so I was not 'getting rich' off child support, like many men (and some women) like to think. 

After 4 years of this 'joy', and many attempts to work out agreements that included financial help, I filed legal motions to formalize all the 'stuff', including money and time.  That made for even more degraded relations.  We were ordered the standard mediation, which failed to produce results.  We had a home study.  We had a trial.  Somewhere between mediation and the home study, the ex quit his job.  He went from making $70K a year to nothing.  That was not his most intelligent move to take into court and prove his competency as a parent.  For a variety of reasons, proved best out of his own mouth during the home study, I won sole custody.  The final parenting plan did not include any overnights as he had lost his house trailer at that point and was living with someone temporarily until his ship came in (he really thought he would win residential and I would pay him child support, off of which he would live at my expense).  Judge did not see it that way.  Then after 2 years of him fighting child support, being arrested, ordered weekend jail (which he never showed up for), back and forth, he filed a motion to get his child support reduced.  Having done my own research (now all pro se through hearing officers), I argued earnings potential and documented from trial discovery that he had quit a very respectable job with a very comfortable income.  They based his child support on that earnings potential (still less than 50% of what he had been making, but better than zero). 

He has continously tried to get his child support eliminated while trying to gain more time.  We had a home study (done before he lost his living arrangements) that did not recommend overnights (condition of living were significant factor ....think horders).  For the last several years, he has floated from person's house to person's house, but still denigrates me for not allowing him overnights.  He did get a $12/hour job, but that still did not return his child support to his previous amount. 

I sold my house (which I owned on my own) to reduce expenses and not deprive my other kids what their dad's support (such as it was) was provided to do.  I sold my car, spent through my older kids' college fund trying to support this kid, and dad #2 still says he should not have to support his child financially.  Ok, I'm never going to convince him kids cost money, and he should pay some of that.  But now he has a new job.  Has been showing up in new clothes that I sure can't afford.  Has a new car, though he has thousands of dollars in back child support and has never paid a dime of medical even though it is in the trial ruling.

I'm tired of going to court, but should I go back for an adjustment?  Frankly, I'm running out of things to sell.  I went from a 2500 sq ft house to a 1200 sq ft house, sold or gave away a lot of furniture and stuff that I had earned years before this child.  When is dad responsible for his share?  When does he 'get' to feel the pain that I do? 

Every time we have gone back, it has turned out worse for me financially.  I would only be guessing what his current salary is, but it has to be more than the $30K child support is currently based upon.  If he can buy a new car and new clothes, isn't he obligated to help with the medical bills and his backlog on child support? 

Somewhere on here, I read something about interest ... can we get interest on the arrearages? 

Part of me wants to let sleeping dogs lie, but I never took my ex husband back until my 2nd child was 3 months from graduation, and that's when I found out what a sucker I had been. They tripled the support - for 3 months - till he graduated.  All those years of doing without, for what?  I don't want to become a victim again of my generally generous nature for giving the benefit of the doubt.  He has proven that he is not worthy of that trust (stated minimally earlier).

But my history with this dad and finances have not built great confidence in the system.  What good is a jail order, if he can get out of it by being a no-show? 

What's your thoughts?  Do I test the waters again?  Does anyone else think he should feel the same pain financially?  Just a little gun-shy with so many negative outcomes.