I'm interested to know more about the pro-se/LCM situation. The big question I have, is, can it be considered Pro-se if my husband is not the one doing the talking? If it is me? My husband has a heart of gold; but, he is not as able to stay focused and articulate the way I am.
Another interesting issue, on the topic of her behavior, when they first separated it was July 2008. When the divorce was written and finalized in December 2008, it was written in that: The Court finds the Petitioner and Respondent shall be granted the joint care, custody and control of the minor children with the Petitioner being granted primary residential custody of the children, subject to parenting time by the Respondent pursuant to the Twentieth Judicial District Guidelines. Provided, however, the Respondent shall not have (reference to me) stay overnight when the children are with the Respondent and (reference to me) shall not be with the Respondent and children after 10:00 p.m. This restriction shall terminate if and when Respondent remarries.
The main point of that was that my, now, husband was living with me and the mom did not approve. She had found Jesus since the separation and she and the lawyer and the judge decided that the kids should never be in my home overnight because it was immoral and a bad example for the children. So, every two weeks, when the kids came, either they would stay in a hotel or I would stay in a hotel or with friends. It was a pain, but we understood her concern.
Now, the mom has a boyfriend. She and the kids have primarily been staying with the boyfriend. The mom says he's just a friend, but the youngest tells us that she doesn't like when "mom goes in the bedroom with <him> at night and shuts the door... because sometimes I want to ask my mom something but I can't because she's in bed with him." My husband asked the mom about this and mom said "we are NOT having sex." he told her that it doesn't matter what they are doing in there, it is about perception and they are spending the night together with the door shut. The youngest actually justified it to me for some reason and said "but it's ok because they are both single." crazy,
So we have that documented but have no way to know for sure how often this happened. I only know that the kids have said it is like they live there all the time and the boyfriend's kids are like their brothers.
So now that non-boyfriend moved to the west coast three weeks ago and the mom flew up there during one of our visitation weekends with the kids to spend the three day weekend with the non-boyfriend. Now she is telling us she is taking the kids up there for TEN DAYS over spring break and our weekend with them. We can only assume they are going to be staying in his home. We would really like to be able to mandate that she be staying in a hotel for those 10 days; but, we're not sure how to make that point or request.
To us, this is one of the biggest "control" issues so far. At least that we know of. My husband feels powerless and says he is going to call her and ask where they will be staying up there on this vacation, and says he is going to tell her that it is not ok just as it was not ok when they first divorced... but I know he will put it off and put it off and not make that call because he hates confrontation.
So, I'm trying, very hard, to just let this all go... because, technically it is not my issue to handle. But, in the long run, I'm going to have to hear him when he's upset about her doing the next control thing and her TELLING him she's taking the kids 1500 miles away to live with this guy.
I'm willing to do whatever work we have to do to stop this craziness; but, I feel like my hands are tied if my husband won't do the ground work with the mom and at least be able to say he voiced concerns to her about it all. If we end up in court and he tries to bring it all up and she says "well, he never said anything to ME..." we can't argue about that.
Ugh.
Thanks for listening.