Author Topic: Child custody and support questions, with heavy regret...  (Read 5216 times)


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Child custody and support questions, with heavy regret...
« on: August 31, 2012, 01:57:59 PM »
I am about to be a first time father, and while I never planned(wanted) kids of my own, I am EXTATIC to welcome my son to the world and teach him how to make the entire world a better place for everyone. Not just the people around him. My entire view about myself being a father changed nearly instantly when I learned that I, ME!, will be a father.

My soon to be son's mother and I are not married, we do live together with her son from a previous relationship, in a house that I have purchased myself before our relationship started. She has decided that once the child is born that she will drop to part time work, 20 hours/ week or less, but absolutly no more. And only on her schedual and terms. The issue with that is that I cannot support her decision to do so. Mainly for the fact that she will no longer have health insurance, and also that I do not make enough money to support the entire family adequatly. She has continuosly said that she wants to split the tax benifits of the new child with me because she wants her half that is deserved. I, however, dissagree that we should do that as I solely make the mortgage payment on the house I myself alone own, along with the electricity, water, nat. gas, trash services and waste services.

She is so addiment that I have to either pay 100% of the daycare for my child for her to remain full time and keep health insurance, or she WILL work part time. Without negotiation.

The end result that is most desirable for me if of course for her to realize that by her demanding that I pay for supporting her, her child and our child that we will have together is the sort of behavior that I find undesirable in a partner for life. I really do want she, her child mayself and our child together to all  be together, but after the last several months of her demands and lack of drive to do anything I have to begin to think realistically about this.

I worry about the well being of her child, but I feel I have to put myself and my own child before she and hers.

Who do I talk to about child custody? I have contacted one family law attorny and was informed to wait untill the child is born in order to proceed with anything.

Are there sites that are known reliable to calculate child support? The few that i have found seem to vary by a few hundred dollars one way or the other.

I want full custody, but also do not want to keep child from mother. I don't trust in her decisions that she will make the right ones based on her past.

Financially I am very capeable of caring for the child solely, she struggles to afford even the most basic needs for her and existing child, and I know couldn't with an additional mouth to feed.


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Re: Child custody and support questions, with heavy regret...
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2012, 02:30:11 PM »
All good questions here, and I commend you for looking down the road well in advance of a potential hard time.  I'll start by reminding you of the obvious emotional and hormonal changes going on with your child's mother.  You and her own family would be best to gauge whether her behavior as of late is typical for her, or if she is just not thinking straight right now.  Just bear this in mind before making any rash decisions.  You will have to make the decision if you think the two of you can work things out.

The information you received from the attorney is correct.  Until the child is born, there is no case.  However, sometimes mom will ask that you pay for half of the medical bills for the birth.  It depends on the judge and the situation.  Other than the medical bills, there is no child support until the child is born.

Regardless of whether you want to pay for her or not, you will be paying for her.  The amount of child support involved in a case like this can be extremely expensive.  It will depend entirely on income and the level of custody, but you will have the basic child support amount, but in addition, there will likely be daycare expenses for which you will be responsible for your income proportionate share.  So you may find that you spend much less if she lives with you and you pay for everything directly - who knows.

Your question about a child support calculation is valid.  I do not recommend the "quickie" web forms available on a few websites.  They do not give you an accurate assessment.  The excel sheet offered here is free and has been filed in the courts numerous times.  It will take about 20 minutes of your time to fill it out the first time, but it is accurate.!/  However, a hand full of our users prefer to pay the healthy license fee for a software called Bradley.  This is the current defacto standard calculator for the state of KS, however, that doesn't mean others can't calculate the same number.  The software was developed for attorneys and as such, it carries an attorney's price tag.  I can assure you the free calculator here will give you the same value.


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Re: Child custody and support questions, with heavy regret...
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2012, 03:09:28 PM »
I forgot to reply to your question about sole custody.  Unless there is a very good reason, joint legal custody will most likely be ordered, with one parent being designated as the primary residential custodian (child support recipient).  This is determined by which parent has the child more than 50% of the time.  With a newborn, I would say the chances are 99.9% that mom will be designated as the primary custodian for at least the first year.  The financial inability for her to care for the child will be flipped right around and slapped on your back instead.  So, the fact that she does not have a job, cannot get a job, or wants to stay home with the child, all works in her favor because it makes you pay more to support her.

Case and point, in my opinion, you will not be able to get sole custody unless some major turn of events occurs.  If mom is arrested for neglect, if illegal drugs are found in the home, etc.  This is what it would probably take for you to obtain sole custody.  However, having joint legal custody and you designated as the primary custodian can occur if the court believes its in the child's best interest.  But, again you will hit a brick wall when the child is so young.  The KS courts try to always keep mom as the primary custodian for infants.  Keep in mind, that parenting time is calculated by the number of overnight visits, not the number of hours you have.  You could have your child all day every day, but if he/she sleeps somewhere else, you don't have squat.

I'm just informing you of the reality of KS law and guidelines, and how this is most likely to go in your case.  KS really does believe that mom should have custody and dad should pay for everything.  It is slowly changing, but its an uphill battle with the courts.  Shared residency is something you should look long and hard at.  This is where the child spends 50% overnights with each parent.  There is still child support that must be paid, but due to the painful efforts of the members of this website, the child support for shared custody is now much less than it has been.  It is almost to approach a reasonable number.  So, shared custody after the child is maybe 1 or 1 1/2 years could be a real possibility for you.